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I have been friends with a woman, a person who's faced and conquered numerous hardships, and I respect her for that. But, she's repeatedly caught off guard by people. Her spouse ended their marriage, which came as a huge shock. Many of close acquaintances vanished then, because they seemed focused solely on her husband. This surprised her. She put in greater energy to be my friend, and must have realised more acutely what friendship was.

A Recurring Theme of Disappearance

Over the years, several close to her have drifted apart and she isn't sure why. Her last employer turned on her, even though she had been an excellent employee, her exit happened unaware of what had changed.

Current Dynamics

Lately, we have each retired and are seeing frequent meetups, but I am finding my role in the relationship is as the audience. I open topics of conversation and she changes them to things she cares about. In terms of politics, she holds firm beliefs. I attempt to suggest verifying facts and different perspectives.

She's been organizing a trip to a country I have traveled to on several occasions and lived in for a while. I attempted to share personal experiences, but this was unappreciated. She essentially just desired validation of her plans. I recently returned from a month in that country she is eager to reconnect, but I don't.

Considering the Choices

I am unwilling in this role that walks away without explanation, however, I feel she'll truly comprehend the effect of her behaviour on my confidence. Right now, I find myself in distancing myself. What should I do?

Potential Solutions

You could cut and run, however, that approach is not often the easy answer we imagine. However, addressing it aiming for working things out takes courage and openness on both your parts.

Professional advice indicates using a useful conflict resolution tool:

"Step one involves describing what typically happens during your discussions. Aim for this to be based on facts like an unbiased account. Step two is to tell her how it affects you emotionally. Ideally, there's no argument about this. What you feel are valid, after all. Step three is to ask how the two of you can shift the interaction of your friendship."

Consider that she also holds perspectives, thus requiring you to remain ready to listen to her. An approach that works involves stating your friend:

"Now you talk and I promise to remain silent for a set time."

It's remarkably impactful to encourage mutual respect.

Key Takeaways

Your friend may dismiss all you say, for those who have a self-protecting mindset: they rely on a narrative of their life they won't release because their very survival relies on it and it represents they've known. It's tough because there's no thoroughfare with these people, mere obstacles. Yet she could at first react defensively and then think your perspective. And even if you don't achieve an agreement, it will give you peace from having been honest with her.